It is interesting, fascinating even, when I come across something from years ago, something that was created during a time of great sadness and self-doubt. It is interesting to note that there were seeds of recognition in that thing, a start to what would, years later, become a full realization of self.
What follows is a song I wrote about, umm, maybe five or six years ago. It was a very difficult time of my life when I believed that all the bad things that were happening to me were punishments, karma, whatever. It was a period of my life when, no joke, no exaggeration, I would wake up in the morning with severe anxiety, feel severe anxiety all throughout the day, and fall asleep (finally) with that same anxiety. I had convinced myself that since I was such a terrible, awful, evil person, I deserved every bit of pain I experienced on a daily basis. And let me tell you, all those studies that talk about the physical manifestations of stress are 100% true. Holy moly, did my body get pummeled during that time.
It's funny, in a sad way, to hear this song now, especially knowing what I've been going through recently and finding out so many things about myself. I feel so bad for the Me who wrote this song, the Me who knew that there was something wrong but had no clue as to true source of all that pain.
Anyway, I didn't intend for this to be a long, drawn-out post. I just thought I'd share this song with you in the hopes that maybe it might help you if you're struggling, or maybe it could help you understand what others go through when dealing with a lifetime of shame and self-hate.
The Song: Where Did It Get You?
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